Well the dust has cleared, it’s a new day & I’m still recovering from the trauma that is the Eurovision Song Contest.
Despite having a man-inducing stint making a BBQ (or possibly due to excessive manliness from all that butch fire-making leaving me weak & vulnerable), The Wife decided to sit through the annual ‘tune’-fest (I use the term ‘tune’ in its broadest possible sense). I forgot to leave sufficient time for rest or jobs to do during this period. That said, there seemed to be one redeeming feature: there were more ‘big legged’ women taking to the stage this year.
First out of the traps, Englebert ‘The Hump’ Humperdink led the charge & the UK’s hopes with a nice ol’ ballad. He even remembers the words. I’m awake for , moments at a time.
Second up, a slice of Europop. The Wife liked it; I’d already begun to lose the will to live.
Brought out the big guns – one of their biggest-selling French language artists doing the honours. The Wife thought she was quite tasty; I was confused – she bought back stories of a friend’s stag weekend & an encounter with a ladyboy.
Mad woman with a bread basket on her head. Her ‘singing’ probably frightening dogs & small children. The Wife wanted her to move around more – I found her scary enough just standing still!
OOOO! ‘The Grannies’ out in force, a sudden favourite, sweet & bizarre by turn. Apparently, the English sections were apparently written by a top(ish) English songwriter. Oooookaaaaaaayyyy………….
Surprisingly, have a mixed-race band. Seem enthusiastic, someone even playing the bagpipes whilst performing the backslide (or ‘moonwalk’ for the uneducated). My life flashes before my eyes….
Ah, Jedward. Described on Twitter as ‘energetic, futuristic, shiny, gay leprachauns.
More confusion. Can’t be sure if Claudia Winkleman’s turned up in fancy dress or Noel Fielding’s reprising his Kate Bush impression from Comic Relief.
The last act takes to the stage as the voice in my head are telling me things. Evil things. They won’t stop……..
Mercifully we don’t stay up to watch the voting.